Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
