My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
