ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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