Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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