we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
