using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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