I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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