No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
