Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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