guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
BRING THE BAGELS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
