wrigley field is MILF paradise
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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