1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In the future we'll all be gay
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
