I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
