i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
