worst night to have a conscience
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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