Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
