my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
