he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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