All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
