im holly from the hills drunk
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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