I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this will be a night to untag.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
