i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
