whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They took my balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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