i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
