the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I smell like Dick and happiness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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