Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
