It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
