I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
