I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He kissed a someone with a penis
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
