What a fucking waste of an outfit
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
