Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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