If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
