i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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