My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
