why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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