You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
