my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
