Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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