idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
