I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
