I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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