She is in my trunk
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
