I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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