Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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