Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
