mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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