What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
COCAINE IS GR8
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
