what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
