he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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