considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize