she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
