still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
