I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
