The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
