Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
