I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
