I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was like eating out sand paper
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
