honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
