New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
