I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
