Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
