haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
