It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
