i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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