she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
