I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
